A review of 2014

Before I start dealing with the next few months I thought this would be a good way to document the key events that happened in 2014.

So while this 1st picture is really from Christmas in Charleston 2013 it was my first trip as a woman after going full time (except at work) and paved the way for me to go into 2014 full speed ahead. For me it was the best gift Karen had ever given me, staying with me as I make this journey.  I had never been so happy.  The day after Christmas I got to experience the joy of shopping and fell in love with Cold Water Creek.  They treated me so well, didn't seen to clock me, and with the sale going on I got a lot of great clothes.  The only bad part of the holiday was having to go back to work in male mode.  But my plan was in order and I had a team at work helping me role it out.


My first big event in 2014 was the OAC Board Retreat.  This has to be one of the most caring, intelligent, and wonderful group of folks I have ever worked with.  I am so honored to be one of them.  They were totally accepting of my transition and gave me confidence to continue forward.  The other great aspect of the weekend was traveling as a woman even though my documentation had not yet caught up with me. After making it through TSA using the bathrooms was my biggest fear.  I worked it out and all went well.  As the year went on and I had a number of other trips this all this worked out great.  But, it was the OAC trip that showed me the way.


So on January 17th I completely went full time at work which was my final venue where I needed to "come out".  During the month prior I had met with key management, internal clients, close coworkers, and external vendor leads to let them know the email was going out and to do a more personal conversation with them.  With the delivery of 400 emails to internal and external folks, I announced to the business would that Jaime had arrived and was here to stay.  The positive response I received amazed me.  I spent almost that whole Friday responding to emails, as 160 poured in.  In addition so many folks stopped by my desk or called to wish me well I didn't even try to keep count.  Being out identified the harder aspects of transitioning at work and how hard it was for many that have known me so long.  Name and pronoun changes are exceedingly difficult for folks even for those with the best of intentions.  It's also the hardest part for me to not feel hurt and upset over. If anyone reading this needs to know more about my work coming out process, the planning, my support team, the internal communications plan, and the external communications plan, please feel free to let me know and I will pass it along to you.

A month later, Valentines Day, I get a call from security letting me know I had a delivery to pick up at the front desk.  As soon I started walking across the lobby I knew.  A small vase with two yellow roses and baby's breath was sitting on the desk section of the guard station.  Our lobby is big, and it took 1/2 minute to walk the distance.  I know I was beaming.  The two roses were the same type of Valentine's flowers I got Karen on our first Valentine's day 42 years earlier.  Had my hormones been in full gear at the time I would have been a mess.  I did have happy tears in my eyes.  I never had felt so loved.  When I got to my desk and called Karen, she told me she wanted me to experience Valentines like a woman and to know I was loved.  It was the best feeling in the world.

In the fall of 2013, I was asked to help moderate a panel at an Institutional Investor Conference, and had agreed to do it.  In December one of the staff members (Kori) was in Greenville and wanted to stop at Michelin to meet some of us and to talk about the event.  I decided (even though I wasn't fully out at work) I would take advantage of her stopping by and to wear as feminine an outfit as I could.   I wanted to meet her being as close to the real me as I could at that time.  It brought no reaction from her at all.  Institutional Investors was one of the organizations I sent my big email to in January.  Kori and the rest of the organization were amazingly supportive, they immediately changed all my records with the organization, and everyone on their team used the correct pronouns in all interactions.  I am glad I attended the event and that I worked it like I would have always done.  The picture on the right is the one I submitted with my bio to be published in the conference agenda booklet and (to top it off) for the award program booklet as I (representing Michelin) was nominated for an award.  What a way to be reintroduced to the investor community.  Of course these conferences are loaded with great dinner events, I wore a long skirt, white blouse and black jacket for the Awards dinner which was the first time I had done so for a business event.  A lot of the vendor reps at the event were young women and they treated me like one of the girls (which I was of course).  At the second dinner one of them (from S&P) introduced me to one of the Senior VPs from Vanguard (who I had known for years) and he was so cool and calm (not outing me).  It turns out he had seen a copy of my January email and was very supportive.  This event gave me so much confidence, reinforcing my hopes that it is possible and not career ending to come out in the professional world of finance.

 As winter ended I had trips to Tuscaloosa and Fort Wayne to implement a DC Plan Choice process for BFG. It was a major and key project which ended up exceeding expectations.  The other great outcome was that travel became easier and normal.

As those of you who know us know, Karen and I love to travel and the beach is a much favored location for us to vacation.  May brought that opportunity as we took my birthday week and went to Myrtle Beach.  It was so much fun to shop.  I bought a lot at Cold Water Creek because they were starting their going out of business sale.  I also went out in public (every day) for the first time in a swim suit.  Loved it.  The best aspect of the trip was that Karen and I had a truly wonderful week just relaxing together.  I also realized that the most important thing is for me to do during my transition is to support Karen as we make this journey together.  I know that this is much harder on her than it is on me.  The changes I am making are allowing me to become my true self and are what I dreamed of my whole life, for Karen it is a journey she would have preferred not to make.  It is not the life she dreamed of.

On May 16, I had the court hearing to get my name changed to Jaime Erin Fivecoat.  I didn't catch it at the time, but on the original order Jaime was misspelled, so on May 22 I finally got the corrected order.  I had a heck of a time with the DMV.  They got my named changed (took over two hours) but not my gender marker. They require an additional Court Order for that.  They also had an issue with my picture.  Finally I agreed to remove my earrings and pull my hair back so they could take one they thought was not a misrepresentation of my gender.  What a backward state.

I moved on to the Social Security Administration and my Passport.  I had my letter from Dr. Brown, and within a couple of weeks I had not only my name and gender changed with Social Security, a new passport application off to be processed, and my name and gender corrected at work.

June brought a trip to Bala Cynwyd, PA to have a consultation with Dr. Leis.  Dr. Leis and his staff were wonderful and after an long discussion we had settle on doing two full days of surgery doing the GRS, BA and FFS all at the same time.  They are scheduled for March 2 and 3, 2015, I will be in the hospital 3 days and then 12 days in an apartment above Dr. Leis office.  I am so excited as now I am less than a month away from the event.

In July I finally received my new Passport with a beautiful F in the "Sex" field.  This really helps with travel.

Summer also brought nice days in the pool, a number of business trips and just lots of work.   We also had a very nice trip to Akron where I was able to reconnected with Sharon Deitrick.  We also had a wonderful day with Janie Parish, shopping and eating off and on all day.

I took on a project at work that consumed almost all of my time.  In September the project took me to Chesapeake to do a kick off with the team working the project. We had a great kick off the for the portion of the project that required the call center.  Training, meeting and working with the team again went very well.  I'm sure they were fully briefed about my situation.  But it didn't matter, I seemed to not only be accepted, but also respected.  By the end of the year the project was a huge success.  While in Chesapeake I was also able to drive down to Nags Head and meet Lisa Crane and Teri Tainot for dinner.  These are two wonderful and fun ladies.


The rest of the summer and fall seem almost like blur.  My transition focused
on HRT, voice training, electrolysis, and counseling.  Work continued to be so consuming.  At the end of September was my next big event.  The OAC YWM2014 week was fabulous.  I saw so many friends and was with so many great folks,  I worked our YWM booth, met with vendors and major contributors, talked with other participants, and enjoyed the week.  For me events like this reinforce my need to live my life fully, and to go on with confidence doing the things I need to do to insure that I am the best of who I have always been.

I'm pictured here with the rest of the OAC Board and staff.  I finally got to wear my little black dress and my hair up.  As I am putting this blog post together it highlights what a great life I have and continue to enjoy.  I realize my transition experience is very different from so many others. I am building on a life that has been wonderful in many ways and now becoming even more so.   I am no longer living behind a mask.  When folks see me now they see all of me.  I no longer live with my big secret clouding my every thought and action.  And so while the process is difficult, expensive, and exhausting, it is so worth it.


The last three months of the year were more of the same.  A bit of business travel, a lot of computer work, a lot of getting things done needed for my surgery.  And then prep for the holidays.  My project was making lots of earrings that I gave as gifts to a lot of ladies.  I guess I made well over 70 pair.  

We ended the year much like this one started with Christmas.  We had a quiet and pleasant one at home and at BG's.  A time with family.  With feeling accepted by my mother and brother, and being called Aunt Jaime by his kids.   Karen and I survived the tough times, as we always have.  Our bond is so strong that (in my humble opinion) together we can survive anything I just hope I can be there for her like she is for me.  Love conquers all.

Now onto 2015.