MondayNight 2/16
I am bit exhausted tonight. This is the result of quite a few nights of little sleep and lots of reworking and tweaking the presentation for my appeal to get my surgeries and supporting treatments covered by our medical plan. I see this as real measure of the Company's support.
The plan, unintentionally, has been paying for my hormone treatment and Psych work, but not anything else. But, on top of that I have had to pull $135,000 out of retirement savings to pay for all I have had done, legal work, and a new wardrobe. But mostly for treatments and taxes. I'm hoping to get back some for the surgery through this appeal, and maybe a bit of a refund from the IRS.
I think it was a strong presentation (over an hour) and focused very much on how the Board could effect the change while they don't have direct authority to actually change the plan. That doesn't make for a high probability of success. But, it is a step that is needed to move forward. At the last minute I provided a slide that gave three possible approaches they could use to make the change work.
Wednesday Tuesday 2/24
I have been waiting to post this because I wanted to have an idea of the results before doing so. The appeal was denied. I think this is one of the very few times I feel upset with Michelin as an employer and embarrassed.
I received high marks for the presentation, and I had planned to share it in this post. But, because the next steps may involve legal or regulatory interventions, I think it is best I not say much more.
I am not done fighting. I will pull a legal and/or advocacy team together and will take it to which ever agency or court will provided the best route to get this paid.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Getting ready for Surgery
I really don’t have a clue on how to organize or what to talk about in a blog, but here goes:
My hope is that friends and family will be informed on my progress. I hope that others that stumble on it may gain understanding of how and why I’m doing this transition. I also hope that in some small way I can help those who are thinking about needing to transition themselves realize that while it will not be an easy journey, it also does not need to be a devastating one.
In my first post I mentioned that I micro transitioned for years. When I look back to where in the deepest recesses of my mind I started making major changes I really realize how far I have come. On the left is a picture from 2002, when I used food and alcohol and activities to bring joy to my life. But always with the gnawing issue of gender dysphoria. Back then it was a disorder, making the stigma of having it even more important to hide it. Now I feel more and deeper joy than ever before. The shedding of my secret was a truly freeing event for me. The lifting of a heavy burden.
So I will continue the story of my journey for 2015 with a few thoughts and events around getting ready for my surgeries, how I have been preparing for them, my feelings evoked by the process, and of my fears and joys tied to those feelings.
Already the year has been eventful. I started writing this sitting on a jet headed to Philadelphia to do my pre-opt with Dr. Leis. Much of my energy so far this year (as it was last year) has been aimed at the surgery event. To get here required a good plan and persistence. From the beginning I wanted to be medically safe. So using the experience I had gained with my work with the OAC and the obesity community I started studying and pulling together my medical team. I pulled down the WPATH Standards of Care and read through them to help me determine who I needed on that team.
I approached my transition a bit differently than many of the other girls I know. Once I decided to move forward, and knowing that I had to be full time for at least a year before surgery, I jumped into the process full speed ahead. I started full time before I pulled my medical team together. My first “recruit” on that team was Meredith Manker. Meredith is my primary counselor. She is great, as we focus not just on the transition, but all aspects of life.
One thing I have noticed about the Transgender Community is that as we work our way through our transition, it becomes way too easy to make that the sole subject of our lives. There is so much to do to get ready for surgery that it takes a lot of physical and cognitive energy to pull it together and to work through getting all the steps done. Meredith has listened to me, let me talk through the process, and made suggestions for managing life along with my transition. Thank you Meredith.
Finding other resources in upstate SC proved to be more difficult. I had a hard time finding a physician willing to manage my HRT (yes I really started full time before hormones). I finally stumbled upon some online resources that pointed me to Dr. Rhett Brown in Charlotte. Another amazing connection. Dr. Brown approaches transition conservatively and focuses on safety. He got me to a place where my hormone levels were truly female. He and Meredith wrote letters for me that helped with my travel needs and by last summer that helped me establish my correct gender marker for my Passport and the SSA. Thank you Dr. Brown.
Before I could start with the HRT Dr. Brown needed letter from a psychiatrist. I was able to find a Dr. Smith here in Greenville as a potential member of my team. Meredith knows him and endorsed him. He had experience with others who were transitioning and was able to evaluate me in a single session. And, knowing that I was in good hands with Meredith, he determined that we did not need to meet again. His notes also fulfilled my requirements for surgery.
My plan was falling into place.
But, some physical work also needed to be started as I knew I needed a lot of work on my voice and hair removal. I had actually started both years ago. For hair removal I found Judy Shelly in Columbia who was willing to work all of the areas I needed done and who was willing to work with a trans client. I think the clearing of "Area 51" is tantamount to torture even with Lidocaine cream. The scrotum has so many wrinkles where the cream doesn't apply evenly. Also, the Raphe (the seam between the two halves) is so sensitive that so far no amount of cream deals with the pain. I can only do one more session before my surgery so that will be about two more hours down there and one hour on the face. I think everything is cleared except for a bit just below the most sensitive area. I do three hour sessions because its a 2 hour drive each way to get there.
For my voice I have been able to build on the work I did a number of years ago for singing. I started with some apps and lessons from Kathe Perez. I use them for my daily warm/tune up. I also did some work with a local speech pathologist which moved me a little but not much. I still have a ways to go. My goal is to able to not be identified as male on the phone.
All of this lead up to my pre-op session with Dr. Leis. I felt like I lucked out as he had a medical student observing our session who was interesting to talk to while then good Doctor worked on forms for the hospital. Also I think he had a few more technical comments to explain to her some of his ideas and techniques. In each of the procedures he will be doing for me he has years of experience and high volumes. Most of the session was to insure everything was in order, that I met all the WPATH criteria, to insure I was fully aware of what the risk were of the surgeries, and to understand my pre and post-op responsibilities. One of the best parts (and funny) was when he gave me a schedule to wean off of my hormones instead of stopping them that day. He said this was so I didn't go all PMS on everyone. Karen appreciates that. He did some test to check for elasticity around my eyes, rechecked my bone structure, and took pictures of the areas that will be worked on (said my breast are about a cup size bigger than I thought).
Now I'm down to 3 weeks. I need some blood work this week, to make sure my EKG was sent to Dr. Leis and pay the anesthesiologist. Paid Dr. Leis last week .. Ouch .. so one other thing I will be doing (on the 16th) is verbally presenting an appeal to remove the exclusion from our medical plan for the treatment of sex change. If it passes it will save us 50K to 60K. Money I really need for a down payment on our retirement home (RV).
The next three weeks will also bring an amazing amount of work to get prepare for being gone for 3 full weeks. In my role it will all be work deferral or I need to get it done before the event. I spent 5 hours of my Saturday (yesterday) doing just that. So the next posting will probably be as we are headed to Philly for the big event. I am so glad Karen will be there with me.
If you made it this far you are a real trooper. Thanks for reading.
But, some physical work also needed to be started as I knew I needed a lot of work on my voice and hair removal. I had actually started both years ago. For hair removal I found Judy Shelly in Columbia who was willing to work all of the areas I needed done and who was willing to work with a trans client. I think the clearing of "Area 51" is tantamount to torture even with Lidocaine cream. The scrotum has so many wrinkles where the cream doesn't apply evenly. Also, the Raphe (the seam between the two halves) is so sensitive that so far no amount of cream deals with the pain. I can only do one more session before my surgery so that will be about two more hours down there and one hour on the face. I think everything is cleared except for a bit just below the most sensitive area. I do three hour sessions because its a 2 hour drive each way to get there.
For my voice I have been able to build on the work I did a number of years ago for singing. I started with some apps and lessons from Kathe Perez. I use them for my daily warm/tune up. I also did some work with a local speech pathologist which moved me a little but not much. I still have a ways to go. My goal is to able to not be identified as male on the phone.
All of this lead up to my pre-op session with Dr. Leis. I felt like I lucked out as he had a medical student observing our session who was interesting to talk to while then good Doctor worked on forms for the hospital. Also I think he had a few more technical comments to explain to her some of his ideas and techniques. In each of the procedures he will be doing for me he has years of experience and high volumes. Most of the session was to insure everything was in order, that I met all the WPATH criteria, to insure I was fully aware of what the risk were of the surgeries, and to understand my pre and post-op responsibilities. One of the best parts (and funny) was when he gave me a schedule to wean off of my hormones instead of stopping them that day. He said this was so I didn't go all PMS on everyone. Karen appreciates that. He did some test to check for elasticity around my eyes, rechecked my bone structure, and took pictures of the areas that will be worked on (said my breast are about a cup size bigger than I thought).
Now I'm down to 3 weeks. I need some blood work this week, to make sure my EKG was sent to Dr. Leis and pay the anesthesiologist. Paid Dr. Leis last week .. Ouch .. so one other thing I will be doing (on the 16th) is verbally presenting an appeal to remove the exclusion from our medical plan for the treatment of sex change. If it passes it will save us 50K to 60K. Money I really need for a down payment on our retirement home (RV).
The next three weeks will also bring an amazing amount of work to get prepare for being gone for 3 full weeks. In my role it will all be work deferral or I need to get it done before the event. I spent 5 hours of my Saturday (yesterday) doing just that. So the next posting will probably be as we are headed to Philly for the big event. I am so glad Karen will be there with me.
If you made it this far you are a real trooper. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
A review of 2014
.JPG)
Before I start dealing with the next few months I thought this would be a good way to document the key events that happened in 2014.
So while this 1st picture is really from Christmas in Charleston 2013 it was my first trip as a woman after going full time (except at work) and paved the way for me to go into 2014 full speed ahead. For me it was the best gift Karen had ever given me, staying with me as I make this journey. I had never been so happy. The day after Christmas I got to experience the joy of shopping and fell in love with Cold Water Creek. They treated me so well, didn't seen to clock me, and with the sale going on I got a lot of great clothes. The only bad part of the holiday was having to go back to work in male mode. But my plan was in order and I had a team at work helping me role it out.
My first big event in 2014 was the OAC Board Retreat. This has to be one of the most caring, intelligent, and wonderful group of folks I have ever worked with. I am so honored to be one of them. They were totally accepting of my transition and gave me confidence to continue forward. The other great aspect of the weekend was traveling as a woman even though my documentation had not yet caught up with me. After making it through TSA using the bathrooms was my biggest fear. I worked it out and all went well. As the year went on and I had a number of other trips this all this worked out great. But, it was the OAC trip that showed me the way.
So on January 17th I completely went full time at work which was my final venue where I needed to "come out". During the month prior I had met with key management, internal clients, close coworkers, and external vendor leads to let them know the email was going out and to do a more personal conversation with them. With the delivery of 400 emails to internal and external folks, I announced to the business would that Jaime had arrived and was here to stay. The positive response I received amazed me. I spent almost that whole Friday responding to emails, as 160 poured in. In addition so many folks stopped by my desk or called to wish me well I didn't even try to keep count. Being out identified the harder aspects of transitioning at work and how hard it was for many that have known me so long. Name and pronoun changes are exceedingly difficult for folks even for those with the best of intentions. It's also the hardest part for me to not feel hurt and upset over. If anyone reading this needs to know more about my work coming out process, the planning, my support team, the internal communications plan, and the external communications plan, please feel free to let me know and I will pass it along to you.
A month later, Valentines Day, I get a call from security letting me know I had a delivery to pick up at the front desk. As soon I started walking across the lobby I knew. A small vase with two yellow roses and baby's breath was sitting on the desk section of the guard station. Our lobby is big, and it took 1/2 minute to walk the distance. I know I was beaming. The two roses were the same type of Valentine's flowers I got Karen on our first Valentine's day 42 years earlier. Had my hormones been in full gear at the time I would have been a mess. I did have happy tears in my eyes. I never had felt so loved. When I got to my desk and called Karen, she told me she wanted me to experience Valentines like a woman and to know I was loved. It was the best feeling in the world.
.JPG)
In the fall of 2013, I was asked to help moderate a panel at an Institutional Investor Conference, and had agreed to do it. In December one of the staff members (Kori) was in Greenville and wanted to stop at Michelin to meet some of us and to talk about the event. I decided (even though I wasn't fully out at work) I would take advantage of her stopping by and to wear as feminine an outfit as I could. I wanted to meet her being as close to the real me as I could at that time. It brought no reaction from her at all. Institutional Investors was one of the organizations I sent my big email to in January. Kori and the rest of the organization were amazingly supportive, they immediately changed all my records with the organization, and everyone on their team used the correct pronouns in all interactions. I am glad I attended the event and that I worked it like I would have always done. The picture on the right is the one I submitted with my bio to be published in the conference agenda booklet and (to top it off) for the award program booklet as I (representing Michelin) was nominated for an award. What a way to be reintroduced to the investor community. Of course these conferences are loaded with great dinner events, I wore a long skirt, white blouse and black jacket for the Awards dinner which was the first time I had done so for a business event. A lot of the vendor reps at the event were young women and they treated me like one of the girls (which I was of course). At the second dinner one of them (from S&P) introduced me to one of the Senior VPs from Vanguard (who I had known for years) and he was so cool and calm (not outing me). It turns out he had seen a copy of my January email and was very supportive. This event gave me so much confidence, reinforcing my hopes that it is possible and not career ending to come out in the professional world of finance.
As winter ended I had trips to Tuscaloosa and Fort Wayne to implement a DC Plan Choice process for BFG. It was a major and key project which ended up exceeding expectations. The other great outcome was that travel became easier and normal.
As those of you who know us know, Karen and I love to travel and the beach is a much favored location for us to vacation. May brought that opportunity as we took my birthday week and went to Myrtle Beach. It was so much fun to shop. I bought a lot at Cold Water Creek because they were starting their going out of business sale. I also went out in public (every day) for the first time in a swim suit. Loved it. The best aspect of the trip was that Karen and I had a truly wonderful week just relaxing together. I also realized that the most important thing is for me to do during my transition is to support Karen as we make this journey together. I know that this is much harder on her than it is on me. The changes I am making are allowing me to become my true self and are what I dreamed of my whole life, for Karen it is a journey she would have preferred not to make. It is not the life she dreamed of.
On May 16, I had the court hearing to get my name changed to Jaime Erin Fivecoat. I didn't catch it at the time, but on the original order Jaime was misspelled, so on May 22 I finally got the corrected order. I had a heck of a time with the DMV. They got my named changed (took over two hours) but not my gender marker. They require an additional Court Order for that. They also had an issue with my picture. Finally I agreed to remove my earrings and pull my hair back so they could take one they thought was not a misrepresentation of my gender. What a backward state.
I moved on to the Social Security Administration and my Passport. I had my letter from Dr. Brown, and within a couple of weeks I had not only my name and gender changed with Social Security, a new passport application off to be processed, and my name and gender corrected at work.
June brought a trip to Bala Cynwyd, PA to have a consultation with Dr. Leis. Dr. Leis and his staff were wonderful and after an long discussion we had settle on doing two full days of surgery doing the GRS, BA and FFS all at the same time. They are scheduled for March 2 and 3, 2015, I will be in the hospital 3 days and then 12 days in an apartment above Dr. Leis office. I am so excited as now I am less than a month away from the event.
In July I finally received my new Passport with a beautiful F in the "Sex" field. This really helps with travel.
Summer also brought nice days in the pool, a number of business trips and just lots of work. We also had a very nice trip to Akron where I was able to reconnected with Sharon Deitrick. We also had a wonderful day with Janie Parish, shopping and eating off and on all day.
I took on a project at work that consumed almost all of my time. In September the project took me to Chesapeake to do a kick off with the team working the project. We had a great kick off the for the portion of the project that required the call center. Training, meeting and working with the team again went very well. I'm sure they were fully briefed about my situation. But it didn't matter, I seemed to not only be accepted, but also respected. By the end of the year the project was a huge success. While in Chesapeake I was also able to drive down to Nags Head and meet Lisa Crane and Teri Tainot for dinner. These are two wonderful and fun ladies.
The rest of the summer and fall seem almost like blur. My transition focused
on HRT, voice training, electrolysis, and counseling. Work continued to be so consuming. At the end of September was my next big event. The OAC YWM2014 week was fabulous. I saw so many friends and was with so many great folks, I worked our YWM booth, met with vendors and major contributors, talked with other participants, and enjoyed the week. For me events like this reinforce my need to live my life fully, and to go on with confidence doing the things I need to do to insure that I am the best of who I have always been.
So while this 1st picture is really from Christmas in Charleston 2013 it was my first trip as a woman after going full time (except at work) and paved the way for me to go into 2014 full speed ahead. For me it was the best gift Karen had ever given me, staying with me as I make this journey. I had never been so happy. The day after Christmas I got to experience the joy of shopping and fell in love with Cold Water Creek. They treated me so well, didn't seen to clock me, and with the sale going on I got a lot of great clothes. The only bad part of the holiday was having to go back to work in male mode. But my plan was in order and I had a team at work helping me role it out.
My first big event in 2014 was the OAC Board Retreat. This has to be one of the most caring, intelligent, and wonderful group of folks I have ever worked with. I am so honored to be one of them. They were totally accepting of my transition and gave me confidence to continue forward. The other great aspect of the weekend was traveling as a woman even though my documentation had not yet caught up with me. After making it through TSA using the bathrooms was my biggest fear. I worked it out and all went well. As the year went on and I had a number of other trips this all this worked out great. But, it was the OAC trip that showed me the way.
So on January 17th I completely went full time at work which was my final venue where I needed to "come out". During the month prior I had met with key management, internal clients, close coworkers, and external vendor leads to let them know the email was going out and to do a more personal conversation with them. With the delivery of 400 emails to internal and external folks, I announced to the business would that Jaime had arrived and was here to stay. The positive response I received amazed me. I spent almost that whole Friday responding to emails, as 160 poured in. In addition so many folks stopped by my desk or called to wish me well I didn't even try to keep count. Being out identified the harder aspects of transitioning at work and how hard it was for many that have known me so long. Name and pronoun changes are exceedingly difficult for folks even for those with the best of intentions. It's also the hardest part for me to not feel hurt and upset over. If anyone reading this needs to know more about my work coming out process, the planning, my support team, the internal communications plan, and the external communications plan, please feel free to let me know and I will pass it along to you.
In the fall of 2013, I was asked to help moderate a panel at an Institutional Investor Conference, and had agreed to do it. In December one of the staff members (Kori) was in Greenville and wanted to stop at Michelin to meet some of us and to talk about the event. I decided (even though I wasn't fully out at work) I would take advantage of her stopping by and to wear as feminine an outfit as I could. I wanted to meet her being as close to the real me as I could at that time. It brought no reaction from her at all. Institutional Investors was one of the organizations I sent my big email to in January. Kori and the rest of the organization were amazingly supportive, they immediately changed all my records with the organization, and everyone on their team used the correct pronouns in all interactions. I am glad I attended the event and that I worked it like I would have always done. The picture on the right is the one I submitted with my bio to be published in the conference agenda booklet and (to top it off) for the award program booklet as I (representing Michelin) was nominated for an award. What a way to be reintroduced to the investor community. Of course these conferences are loaded with great dinner events, I wore a long skirt, white blouse and black jacket for the Awards dinner which was the first time I had done so for a business event. A lot of the vendor reps at the event were young women and they treated me like one of the girls (which I was of course). At the second dinner one of them (from S&P) introduced me to one of the Senior VPs from Vanguard (who I had known for years) and he was so cool and calm (not outing me). It turns out he had seen a copy of my January email and was very supportive. This event gave me so much confidence, reinforcing my hopes that it is possible and not career ending to come out in the professional world of finance. As winter ended I had trips to Tuscaloosa and Fort Wayne to implement a DC Plan Choice process for BFG. It was a major and key project which ended up exceeding expectations. The other great outcome was that travel became easier and normal.
As those of you who know us know, Karen and I love to travel and the beach is a much favored location for us to vacation. May brought that opportunity as we took my birthday week and went to Myrtle Beach. It was so much fun to shop. I bought a lot at Cold Water Creek because they were starting their going out of business sale. I also went out in public (every day) for the first time in a swim suit. Loved it. The best aspect of the trip was that Karen and I had a truly wonderful week just relaxing together. I also realized that the most important thing is for me to do during my transition is to support Karen as we make this journey together. I know that this is much harder on her than it is on me. The changes I am making are allowing me to become my true self and are what I dreamed of my whole life, for Karen it is a journey she would have preferred not to make. It is not the life she dreamed of.On May 16, I had the court hearing to get my name changed to Jaime Erin Fivecoat. I didn't catch it at the time, but on the original order Jaime was misspelled, so on May 22 I finally got the corrected order. I had a heck of a time with the DMV. They got my named changed (took over two hours) but not my gender marker. They require an additional Court Order for that. They also had an issue with my picture. Finally I agreed to remove my earrings and pull my hair back so they could take one they thought was not a misrepresentation of my gender. What a backward state.
I moved on to the Social Security Administration and my Passport. I had my letter from Dr. Brown, and within a couple of weeks I had not only my name and gender changed with Social Security, a new passport application off to be processed, and my name and gender corrected at work.
June brought a trip to Bala Cynwyd, PA to have a consultation with Dr. Leis. Dr. Leis and his staff were wonderful and after an long discussion we had settle on doing two full days of surgery doing the GRS, BA and FFS all at the same time. They are scheduled for March 2 and 3, 2015, I will be in the hospital 3 days and then 12 days in an apartment above Dr. Leis office. I am so excited as now I am less than a month away from the event.
In July I finally received my new Passport with a beautiful F in the "Sex" field. This really helps with travel.
I took on a project at work that consumed almost all of my time. In September the project took me to Chesapeake to do a kick off with the team working the project. We had a great kick off the for the portion of the project that required the call center. Training, meeting and working with the team again went very well. I'm sure they were fully briefed about my situation. But it didn't matter, I seemed to not only be accepted, but also respected. By the end of the year the project was a huge success. While in Chesapeake I was also able to drive down to Nags Head and meet Lisa Crane and Teri Tainot for dinner. These are two wonderful and fun ladies.
The rest of the summer and fall seem almost like blur. My transition focusedon HRT, voice training, electrolysis, and counseling. Work continued to be so consuming. At the end of September was my next big event. The OAC YWM2014 week was fabulous. I saw so many friends and was with so many great folks, I worked our YWM booth, met with vendors and major contributors, talked with other participants, and enjoyed the week. For me events like this reinforce my need to live my life fully, and to go on with confidence doing the things I need to do to insure that I am the best of who I have always been.
The last three months of the year were more of the same. A bit of business travel, a lot of computer work, a lot of getting things done needed for my surgery. And then prep for the holidays. My project was making lots of earrings that I gave as gifts to a lot of ladies. I guess I made well over 70 pair. We ended the year much like this one started with Christmas. We had a quiet and pleasant one at home and at BG's. A time with family. With feeling accepted by my mother and brother, and being called Aunt Jaime by his kids. Karen and I survived the tough times, as we always have. Our bond is so strong that (in my humble opinion) together we can survive anything I just hope I can be there for her like she is for me. Love conquers all.
Now onto 2015.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Finally a post
From Micro transitioning to Full Time.
For me the process of transitioning began a long time ago. I'm not really sure exactly when, but at least after I had bariatric bypass Surgery 10 years ago. After that I started letting my hair get longer (on my head) and started working on removing it everywhere else. 4 years ago when I had prostate surgery I had really started to look more and more feminine. And the reality of mortality that comes with cancer gave me a push to become more of who I really am and to stop living an act. I really allowed my hair to get longer and wearing it in very feminine styles. I also started with laser hair removal. My look definitely went to the feminine side of androgynous.
So now I have decided I just can't keep hiding my true self. I needed to move forward. The difference in my appearance will not change much until I get on hormones and hopefully grow some nice little boobies.
So now I have decided I just can't keep hiding my true self. I needed to move forward. The difference in my appearance will not change much until I get on hormones and hopefully grow some nice little boobies.
I wrote the above a year ago and what a year it has been. I'm now 38 days from my surgeries. GRS, BA, and FFS over two days (March 2 and 3). I am getting so excited. And, while I have a long way to go I think HRT has made a big difference. This picture is from August.
I plan to use this blog to allow those that want to know more about what gender transition is to get some idea of it. How it changes me, and the joys and pains of the process. Doing so in a more detailed and intimate way then on my Facebook account. So I hope I can create the discipline to maintain it and get some pictures that are meaningful. Thanks to everyone for all of the emotional support I have received. and especially to Karen who is my rock and soul mate in this life.
I plan to use this blog to allow those that want to know more about what gender transition is to get some idea of it. How it changes me, and the joys and pains of the process. Doing so in a more detailed and intimate way then on my Facebook account. So I hope I can create the discipline to maintain it and get some pictures that are meaningful. Thanks to everyone for all of the emotional support I have received. and especially to Karen who is my rock and soul mate in this life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)